Approaching Someone You Suspect May Have an Eating Disorder

Too many people believe that eating disorders are only food and weight issues, when in reality, those are just the symptoms of underlying problems. Below is a list of some things to keep in mind when approaching someone.

• Avoid talking about food and weight, those are not the real issues.
• Assure them that they are not alone and that you love them and want to help in any way that you can.
• Never try to force them to eat.
• Do not comment on their weight or appearance.
• Do not blame the individual and do not get angry with them.
• Be patient, recovery takes time.
• Do not make mealtimes a battleground, they will only want to avoid that time more.
• Listen to them and do not be quick to give opinions and advice.
• Do not take the role of a therapist.

It is important to remember that when you first approach the person you suspect has an eating disorder, they may react with anger or they may deny that anything is wrong. Do not push the issue; just let them know that you will always be there for them if they need to talk. Do not wait until the situation is so severe that your friend's life is in danger. If you have already spoken with them and still feel that more steps should be taken to address these issues then consider telling their parents, a teacher, physician, counselor, nutritionist, or you trust who may be able to help.
You may experience feelings of distress, anger, guilt or confusion. No matter how much you want to help them, you must remember that only they can make the decision to get help. You cannot force them to do this.

Remarks to Avoid

You must be careful with the remarks you make to a person suffering from an eating disorder. Below are some examples of remarks that should never be made because they will usually drive the person away or cause them more inner pain and guilt.

 

"Just sit down and eat like a normal person."

If it were that easy, they would. Remind yourself that there are deeper emotional issues that may be preventing them from eating properly.

 

"Why are you doing this to me?"

They aren't doing this to you, they are doing this to themselves. A comment like this would cause them more guilt.

 

"You've put weight on--you look great!"

They don't hear "you look great" they only hear "you've put on weight". Take the emphasis off their weight and don't say anything about it.

 

"You look terrible."

Avoid commenting on appearance. The person is already obsessed with their body.

 

"If you think you are fat, you must think I'm obese."

They do not see others as being overweight. The only distorted image they have is of themselves. It's best not to mention size and weights around anyone with an eating disorder.

 

"I wish I had that problem!"

No you don't! They struggle with this problem every day and go through tremendous pain trying to overcome it. We have to eat everyday, so they struggle every day.

 

"You're just doing this for attention."

Most people with eating disorders would be content keeping it a secret from everyone, so the last thing they want is attention drawn to them.

 

"No one is going to love you if you don't get some of that weight off."

This is a very cruel comment. Love people for who they are, not what they look like.